Bryan Johnson Says He Never Shares a Bed With Girlfriend: Could Sleeping Apart Improve Your REM?

Tech entrepreneur and longevity enthusiast Bryan Johnson has revealed an unusual rule in his relationship: he does not share a bed with his girlfriend, Kate Tolo. In fact, the couple reportedly maintain separate beds and separate homes.

While the arrangement may sound unconventional, it raises an increasingly discussed sleep-health question: Can sleeping separately from your partner actually improve sleep quality?

For couples dealing with snoring, tossing and turning, different sleep schedules or temperature preferences, a so-called “sleep divorce” may offer some benefits. But research suggests the answer is more complicated than simply declaring separate beds the secret to perfect sleep.

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Why does Johnson choose to sleep separately?

Forty-eight-year-old Johnson, known for his highly regimented longevity routine, explained in an Instagram video that he has never shared a bed with Tolo. “I have never slept with my girlfriend,” he said, adding that they have “separate beds and separate homes.”

Johnson pointed to research examining how bed-sharing can influence sleep. One study involving 55 couples found that partners could trigger multiple awakenings during the night. Movements, snoring, blanket pulling and different sleep schedules can all potentially disturb an otherwise peaceful night. Anyone who has woken up clinging to three inches of mattress while their partner occupies the rest may understand the problem rather well.

Can sharing a bed also have sleep benefits?

Interestingly, sleeping together is not necessarily bad for sleep.

Johnson also highlighted research involving 12 couples that found people sleeping beside their partners experienced around 10 per cent more REM sleep and greater synchronisation of their sleep stages. REM, or rapid eye movement sleep, plays an important role in memory, learning and emotional processing. Research also suggests that the impact of bed-sharing may differ between individuals. Some studies have found women report more sleep disturbances when sharing a bed, while men may perceive their sleep as better.

Meanwhile, survey-based research has linked sleeping with a partner to lower insomnia, less fatigue and better mental health. However, because such findings may rely on self-reported information, researchers cannot always determine whether bed-sharing itself produces these benefits.

What is a ‘sleep divorce’?

A sleep divorce simply means partners deliberately sleep in separate beds or bedrooms to improve their sleep. Despite the dramatic name - it sounds rather more like lawyers should be involved - it does not necessarily indicate relationship problems.

Couples may consider separate sleeping arrangements when one partner snores, has insomnia, frequently moves during sleep, works different hours or prefers a different room temperature. Poor sleep isn't trivial. Consistently inadequate or disrupted sleep can affect mood, concentration, metabolism and cardiovascular health, making sleep quality an important part of overall wellbeing.

Should couples sleep separately?

There is no universal rule. If both partners sleep comfortably together and wake feeling refreshed, there may be little reason to change their arrangement.

However, if sharing a bed regularly leads to awakenings, irritability or daytime tiredness, experimenting with separate sleeping spaces could be worthwhile. Couples can also try simpler solutions first, such as separate blankets, addressing snoring, adjusting bedroom temperature or following consistent sleep schedules. Persistent snoring, breathing pauses during sleep, or excessive daytime sleepiness should not simply be blamed on a partner. These symptoms may indicate conditions such as obstructive sleep apnea and warrant medical evaluation.

Ultimately, the healthiest sleeping arrangement is the one that allows both partners to get adequate, restorative sleep without sacrificing communication or intimacy. Bryan Johnson's separate-bed strategy may not suit every couple, but it highlights an important point: when it comes to sleep, quality matters more than tradition.